How to Forgive Anything

Cat and lapdog in studio

This is the second article in a two-part series on forgiveness. The first article addressed the question of “why forgive?” Here I explore the practical “how to” of forgiveness.

Let me begin by saying that there are many different ways to forgive and each of us is likely to do it a little differently. You might consider the steps here as the foundation upon which you can build your own forgiveness practice.

Remember, forgiveness is something we do first and foremost for ourselves, not the person we are forgiving. We forgive because our nature is love, and to have anything flowing through us that is unlike love begins to block our true nature and potentiality.

So our goal is to get back to the love within ourselves. The love is always there at our center, as our essence. In forgiveness, we are simply freeing it to flow unencumbered within us and out through us.

No matter what has happened, we forgive because we need to get back to our own true nature of love, in order to be fulfilled in our lives and to fully express the gifts that are ours to give. Forgiveness is not condoning the behavior of the other person. It is an act of our own self-care.

Seven Steps to Forgiveness:

  1. Acknowledge that you’ve been hurt.
  2. Feel your feelings of anger, betrayal, resentment, or any others that come up. Allow yourself to feel them and experience them fully within yourself. They are part of your natural process. Share them with your spiritual practitioner or someone you really trust. Write them in a journal.
    (We do this step so that we are not bypassing our feelings, only to have them resurface later in some unhealthy way.)
  3. Bless the feelings from step 2. Say a prayer of blessing and acceptance of the feelings. Remind yourself that the feelings are not who you are, just something you are experiencing.
  4. Make the decision to forgive. Before doing so, intuitively determine whether you have spent a healthy amount of time experiencing your feelings.
  5. Open to the power of divine love, grace, and wisdom to guide you in your forgiveness. Recognize that, though you may not feel you know how you will forgive the person or situation, there is a power, presence, and wisdom within you that does know.
  6. Ask your divine wisdom to reveal to you how you might find empathy for the person you are choosing to forgive. (For example, you might realize that the person hadn’t experienced much love in their own lives, and empathize about how difficult that must have been for them.)
  7. Open your heart and allow love to flow to the person you are forgiving. Repeat this step every day until you feel nothing but love toward the other person. (This step takes whatever amount of time it takes – days, months, or years, and it does not mean you have to let the person back in your life.)

While these steps appear sequentially, in practice one might need to go back and repeat steps. Step 7 in the process can be a big step, depending on the nature of what happened. Be gentle with yourself in this step. Allow yourself whatever experience you need to have. Remember that forgiveness is a process. Some situations are likely to be easier to forgive than others. Forgiveness transforms us, and transformation does not usually feel good while it is happening.

May you know only love. May the love in your heart flow freely in your being. May you be transformed by love, and may your love transform the world.

Enjoy the journey.


  1. rhemaverse says:


    Blessings to you in the mighty name of our Dear Lord Jesus Christ.

    Please forgive me, for I know this is the most inappropriate means of connecting with you…but this is the avenue I could find.

    First of all, I want thank God for your life and the awesome work He is doing through you on this blog!

    To Him alone be all the GLORY!

    My name is Tim and I am the founder of the newly unveiled Christian Social Media/Community known as: Rhemalog

    If I may crave your indulgence, I will quickly like to intimate you on our purpose, goals and objectives.

    The name Rhemalog is a compound word, coined from both “Rhema” and “Log”.
    It means, putting into writing(Log), your encounters in the Word of God(Rhema).
    That is, sharing with the beloved, the things that God has shown unto you in His Word.

    Rhemalog was established by the leading of the Holy Spirit, as a platform to enrich and impact the body of Christ all over the World!

    You will agree with me that there is a lot of degradation going on.
    Abuse, spiritual contaminations, mental pollutions and attacks on our faith.

    All you need is to refresh your social-media pages long enough…then boom!
    There you have it, in your face!
    Wouldnt it be awesome to have a sanctified environment?

    A platform built solely for the Children of God.
    Devoid of negativity around us, but filled with inspirations, encouragements and above all, the WORD OF GOD!

    A breath of fresh air. Family friendly, conducive, loving and embracing.

    Your own family of fellow brethren, encouraging, building, cheering on and strengthening each other on a daily basis!

    This is our driving force.
    The clarion call that moved us to put Rhemalog in place.

    And this is our call to you: Would you like to join us?

    As one of the (Christian) thinkers and opinion-makers out there, logically, it is a no-brainer that we need you, especially since our main goal is to ensure that the people are well fed.

    We need your insightful thoughts. Inspirational ideas. Well written pieces. We need YOU!

    We need you, not only as a member, but also as an A-List contributor.

    And we already have all the tools required.

    – Personal Blogging feature
    – Video sharing
    – Community pages (think facebook pages)
    – Timelines and profiles
    – Pictures, etc

    Together, we can build one of the most vibrant and impact-full communities out there.

    Should you decide to join us now:

    – Your personal blog and info will be shared on our social media pages (with over 67,000 members)

    – As an early adopter, you will be a part of a huge and influential community at its infant stage.

    – Your community page will be featured, if you create one. Meaning, it will come up first in searches and views (with its own cute ribbon)

    – You can host all your youtube and vimeo videos, thereby increasing your viewer-ship and enhancing your reach.

    Well, “gold and silver” we have not.
    But can you help us be a blessing to the children of God out there?

    The address of the website is:

    rhemalog dot com (No need to create an unsolicited backlink!)

    It will be a huge honour and we will be waiting for you.

    The first step is to be registered. Duration of your submissions will be totally up to you. To keep up though, we would suggest you begin by sharing the links to your blog posts, later on, you can start doing reblogs or creating unique postings using our blog feature.

    However, in-between, we would love your quips, wits, quotes and words of wisdom, posted on your homepage timeline. We consider these to be quick tonic for the soul…snacks for those in hurried need of inspiration and motivations.

    Whichever option you choose, we cannot wait to have a drink from the fountain of your God-given wisdom.

    Thanks and may God continually keep His face shining on you.

    Yours in Christ,

    Tim (Rhemalog Community)

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