Lasting Relationships – Part Two: Is It Over or Time to Grow?

by Gregory Toole

In last week’s blog, I wrote, “The requirement of growth comes from the very nature of relationship. Relationship shines the light on all the dark places of fear, insecurity, unworthiness, and those places we’d just rather not go at all…Then, relationship, by its very nature takes us right to the doorstep of those places.”

As I finished writing that blog, I imagined someone asking the question, “How do I know if I need to grow, or if the relationship is really over?” The question became the inspiration for this week’s blog.

The answer to this question is not an easy one, and surely does not break into any rote formula. However, it is a great question that we can take into our heart and into our contemplation.

When is a relationship over? Well, the simple answer is that it’s over when we say it’s over, and not a minute sooner. We ultimately determine for ourselves if the relationship continues to serve us. Ultimately, it is about serving our soul’s path.

One way to see if the relationship serves our soul’s path is to let go of our human will and surrender to our soul’s highest calling. We could use this affirmation: “I am willing to stay, if that is for the highest, and I am willing to go, if that is for the highest.” To surrender it to our soul’s highest calling is to let go of all the worldly reasons for staying or going such as:

  • I’m really comfortable in this relationship.
  • It would be too hard to find someone else.
  • We’ve been together so long.
  • I don’t know how it will affect my financial situation.

The list could go on and on, and the main point is to clear the way for us to hear what the intuition of our heart wants to whisper to us.

Here are examples of how a relationship that serves our soul’s highest calling might feel:

  • I feel the relationship is contributing to my growth.
  • I feel valued by my partner.
  • I feel really seen by my partner in a way that expands me.
  • I feel the relationship calls me to be my best.
  • My main reasons for being in the relationship feel clean, healthy, and affirming of what’s important to me.

When the relationship is not serving our soul’s highest calling, the growth we are called to involves letting go – releasing the current form of the relationship. When the relationship is serving our soul’s highest calling, the challenges that come forth are the opportunities for growth.

May all of your relationships call you into the highest expression of your soul.

Namasté,
Gregory

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